I have these thoughts …

By JOSEPH TINTLE

  1. Had a dream that Helen Keller was throwing up gang signs with Snoop Dogg.
  2. Got a call from Satan the other day. He’s got issues.
  3. I heard long ago that actor Ernest Borgnine and singer Ethel Merman were married for only 32 days? In their divorce papers it stated they split up because of irreconcilable faces.
  4. I just saw a cyclops wearing a monocle.
  5. I think Brady and Belichick are full of hot air.
  6. His Holiness is very pop(e)ular.
  7. I once heard that Adolf Hitler had a son, but the kid eventually changed his name. He wanted to make it on his own.
  8. I was just ruminating about the Theory of Relativity. And you?
  9. Maybe it’s because I’m 62, but every Tuesday afternoon I have a flashing thought about Don Knotts.
  10. The other day I was making copies of a story I was going to be teaching in school, but the stapler on the store counter was empty. So I asked the store “associate” for a sleeve of staples, but he said they were all out. I replied, “Isn’t the name of this store “STAPLES?”
  11. I just saw “American Sniper” and I liked it. Then I read there are more than a few lies in the film. The biggest lie is that Chris Kyle never killed even one Iraqi, much less 160. But he once had a disturbing thought about the Dewey Decimal System.
  12. Bradley Cooper’s next film is about a war vet who becomes a barber. It’s called “American Snipper.
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