By JOSEPH TINTLE
- Had a dream that Helen Keller was throwing up gang signs with Snoop Dogg.
- Got a call from Satan the other day. He’s got issues.
- I heard long ago that actor Ernest Borgnine and singer Ethel Merman were married for only 32 days? In their divorce papers it stated they split up because of irreconcilable faces.
- I just saw a cyclops wearing a monocle.
- I think Brady and Belichick are full of hot air.
- His Holiness is very pop(e)ular.
- I once heard that Adolf Hitler had a son, but the kid eventually changed his name. He wanted to make it on his own.
- I was just ruminating about the Theory of Relativity. And you?
- Maybe it’s because I’m 62, but every Tuesday afternoon I have a flashing thought about Don Knotts.
- The other day I was making copies of a story I was going to be teaching in school, but the stapler on the store counter was empty. So I asked the store “associate” for a sleeve of staples, but he said they were all out. I replied, “Isn’t the name of this store “STAPLES?”
- I just saw “American Sniper” and I liked it. Then I read there are more than a few lies in the film. The biggest lie is that Chris Kyle never killed even one Iraqi, much less 160. But he once had a disturbing thought about the Dewey Decimal System.
- Bradley Cooper’s next film is about a war vet who becomes a barber. It’s called “American Snipper.